Sunday, December 13, 2009

Holiday Thoughts and Living with Young Children

I don't know how women with Fibromyalgia function if they have little ones. My FM came to stay after my children were grown and I thank God daily.

May you have blessed days during this holiday season. Take care of you or you won't be able to take care of your little ones. Ask for help even when you think you don't need it. Find a friend or family member who will take your kids periodically so you can rest. An older child can watch the younger one so you can take a nap.

When you cook a meal, double it so you have another meal, that includes salad. If your kids are older, ask them to help with the meal. Making the salad, peeling spuds, and setting the table are a few things they can accomplish. Stop and read to your children, you both get to sit down. While you are sitting, talk about your decorations, Christmas tree, etc. That prolongs your sitting time and you will enjoy what the kids have to say. Older kids can do laundry. The little ones should be taking their own dirty clothes to your designated spot. Heck, you can fold while you are sitting.

If your kids are older, they can wrap the younger ones Christmas gifts and bake the holiday cookies. I know it is something you have always done, but let go of wanting everything to look perfect and LET them! They can all vacum and dust. No it may not be perfect..it's ok. My friend Kristen's son, Alex, loves to vacum. While he is vacuming, she is dusting. He of course being small, wanted to dust too. :D So, Alex dusts the mop boards while she does the furniture.Young children can also make their own beds and put away their clothes. There again, it will not be perfect, but as they grown it does get better. My kids folded the wash clothes and worked up to bath towels. I always redid them..stupid me!! Only redo if they won't fit on the shelf. Here again, they will get better. Depending on their age, little ones can put the silverware away from the dishwasher. My hope is that you can relinquish some of what you do and give them pride in helping.

4 comments:

  1. Luckily my 'little ones' aren't so little. They're 8 and 9. But boy oh boy did I learn the hard way about NOT having them help around the house. I felt angry all the time. And my body hurt more because I was so stressed and trying to do the Super Mom thing.

    I started teaching my boys how to fend for themselves if Mom is having one of those truly craptastic couple of days. They can make sandwiches for themselves and even clean up the kitchen. I can sit at the dining room table and verbally steer them through a meal if I'm too tired to stand at the stove. They've learned to follow directions(and what happens when they don't! lol) so that a good meal results.

    They fold laundry and vacuum. They are little angels when they know that Mom's not feeling good enough to coddle them. But when I do feel well enough I really do try to do special thins with them. I teach them how to cook new meals and talk to them about Real Life so they understand that it doesn't always work out like you want but that it IS possible to take lemons and make lemon-aid. We have to be thankful for our good health while we have it and also the times when we are all together as a family because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

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  2. i almost burst into tears when i read the first sentence.i am 31, have a 4 yr old girl and i was diagnosed chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia when i was 12. it has been a journey of hell and back. my daughter is my joy my life. but she is in fulltime daycare. its rough, i sleep, all night and most of day to give her the hours shes home as much energy as i can. i do little but clean, spend time with her and do what small errands i can. i also had knee surgery recently which in turn only cause more problems. i'm in crying pain several times a day. i feel like a bad mom cause im sick so much.i have good eating habits and have tried western and eastern medicines and influences and try to get in good meditation a fews times a week nd not fall asleep. i miss out on so much when grandma is the one taking her to do fun things and shes sad doesnt understand why mommy cant come play too. i cry myself to sleep sometimes because the shame and guilt are overwhelming. i want to give her quality but ots hard. and they are these exhuberant curious creatures. with so much energy. i wish i could keep up. its nice to read your blog and experiences thank you. if you care to responed my email is tattoobetty@hotmail.com

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    Replies
    1. blessings to you and your baby girl
      xoxo

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  3. Lets be 'Super Moms' by teaching self care, nurturing, unconditional love and compassion. These lessons, if we can learn how to give them to ourselves - will empower our children and give them a healthy base to take out into a challenging world. invaluable lessons we CAN teach: How to work as a team, care for one another, listen to our bodies (over the critical-pushy-guilt-ridden voice in our head), How to ask for help, how to accept and appreciate help, how to be gentle, how to let go...
    What if...and i've lived with FM my whole life, we can make pain not a bad thing? What if it is just a loud body? I am finding the more I listen and filter the 'asshole voice' - you know the one... the one that tells us we aren't enough, aren't doing enough, 'pathetic' an 'idiot', a 'burdon' 'useless'... - these are all from my own mind closet, you may have your own - Point being...What if, we could find a way to let go of feeling the need to prove ourselves by denying the reality of our body's sensations and can find a way/ways...to give it space...
    We know - 1) That the pain is real 2) the pain is inconsistent 3)the pain and enigma of symptoms in inconceivable to those unable to experience them. 4) Society does not give the appropriate level of compassion and support equal to the pain - because it is not visible
    5) we are not crazy. its not all in our heads. 6) The pain IS CRAZY MAKING. 7) the pain is not being caused by something we are doing 'wrong' (though it can sure make us feel that way - if we let it)

    We are not the pain. we are witnessing the pain being expressed by our body - our house for this lifetime. What if we learn to listen , to be gentle, to be still, to meditate and give it space. I am finding, after decades of struggle, shame, self doubt, feeling less-than... that
    I have the capacity for more compassion than most human beings - because of the incredible variety of pain I have come to know through FM. Using this awareness i am begining to be able to turn a more loving, nurturing, mothering voice towards myself. What if thats what we need most? We can help ourselves and one another - we can be the change. More loving, nurturing, mothering examples for ourselves first, for our communities, for society.
    Beautiful tips on preparing for a less stressful holiday season. Yes, that feels loving. We are able to give MORE when we take care and respect our body's boundaries. When we listen...there is much we can give.

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