Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Frustration and Anxiety

I'm starting to feel like I'm behind on to many things. It's pretty bad when you feel accomplished because you've washed the dirty dishes!

I sleep well at night, I Boldhave the help of Trazodone. :D I have NOT rested during the day for three days. Intellectually I know I can't function without resting often. However, sometimes, you can't rest. This statement is not accurate...I can always rest, however, I try to do it all. I STILL need to learn to delegate. :(

Volunteering in a State Park provides getting to know other hosts. This time of year, there are 10 hosts working the park. A couple left this morning so we had a potluck last night. The weather threatened rain. We have a pop-up canopy with four sides that can enclose a picnic table. Dwain decided EVERYONE could come to our yard for the potluck. I hurried trying to prepare for company and anxiety kicked in. Dinner was scheduled for 6 pm. Two couples showed up at 4:30 pm. Here I am trying to get ready and wanting to sit down to visit with them. Once they were here, the other hosts came over. They were all here by 5 pm. My heart is beating fast. I can't think straight, darn cognitive issues. I'm feeling tired and defeated. Dwain was fixing chili with corn bread in the dutch oven. I mixed up the corn bread. Then he told me he wanted the recipe doubled. I could feel myself crumbling, wanting to cry. I did mix another batch of corn bread. A change of plans always upset my apple cart then anxiety blows me up. I'm so conscience of how it makes me feel and I fight to be calm. It's a struggle.


  1. Thank you for this post!!Im the same any last minute changes really upset me and confuse me.I wasnt like this before and hubby finds it infuriating which just upsets me more!Im finding the physical aspects are just there but its the mental aspects that scare me.The forgetting,the confusion,the losing words....i feel like an idiot.

  2. Oh Debbie, I don't know Dwain but when he saw you getting anxious he should have not kept asking for more. I know yu love you hubb as I do mine but just once or twice I would gladly exchange bodies...would it have been possible for you to say Whoa Wait..or next time the party needs to be at another hosts, take the canopy over there. While I was reading I knew where it was going...I hope you are feeling bette today. I am getting pretty good with the word 'NO'.

    love you..Barb

  3. I've found Cymbalta has been a great help with my general anxiety, but a situation like this would still have me blown.

    We are having a party here Saturday night. It was my idea and now it's Thursday and I'm wondering what the hell I was thinking. I'm alraedy freaking out about what will need to be done, what needs to be cleaned, etc. We all have our moments where there's just more than we can handle at that moment. In that moment we have to make a decision of what's most important and do that one thing and either delegate the other things or accept that they just aren't that big a deal and don't really need to be done.

  4. I hope today is a better day as it is a great day because it is your Birthday! A million birthday wishes for you!!!! I hope they all come true!!!! I hope it is the best birthday ever!!!!!

  5. Really good post, and a happy birthday even a little bit late but what counts is the intention ...

    Robbie Williams

  6. Thanks everyone for your comments. I really do appreciate them. hit the nail on the head. The mental aspects make me "feel like an idiot."

    Barb..For many years spur of the moments were ok for me so I'm sure it is just as hard for Dwain to remember that it doesn't work any more as it is for me. I look at this as something I need to work on. For example, something that is difficult for me to retrain myself is to do some dinner prep earlier in the day instead of trying to do all at dinner time. IF I had done some of my potluck prep earlier in the day, I could've enjoyed that the potluck was now at our house and many showed up a couple hours early. Heck, I might have even enjoyed a nap prior to company!!! :D

    Julie, when are you going to figure it out!!!

    Heather and Robbie, thanks for the birthday wishes. I had a nice day.

  7. Deb, so like mine yours is not a mindreader either...its hard when we are still in the old mindset of having parties and get togethers and now just regular dinner wipes me out! Hang tight, girl, hugs