Sunday, October 11, 2009

Stupid Moment

I had a "stupid" moment AGAIN!

It was time to get out of the back seat of the car. The door would not open. Adam, from the driver's seat, tried to verbally tell me what to do. He tried different ways of telling me how to unlock the car door. My dots finally connected and I was able to exit from the car.

Even though I know I am not stupid, it makes me feel like I am or I have Alzheimer's. Similar situations have occurred with my other children and Dwain. I know this makes them frustrated and worried. How do you explain Fibrofog?

Dr. Mark Pellegrino gives several analogies:

"The Cluttered Hallway

Picture your brain as the upstairs of a house. In this house, the upstairs bedrooms are neat, organized and behind closed doors. The common hallway leading to each bedroom is cluttered with laundry baskets, piles of clothing, boxes, shoes, toys, and furniture. One has to navigate the clutter in order to access a bedroom, causing some delay in reaching the door.

The person trying to get into the bedroom is like the nerve signal trying to access a memory trace. The person (nerve signal) climbs the steps (spinal cord) up to the second floor (brain) and is standing in the common hallway (attention center). The egress to the bedroom door (memory) is slowed by all the clutter (neurochemical changes from fibromyalgia). Sometimes it seems to take forever to get to a door, and at other times the person can't remove all the clutter to open the door in a timely manner. This leads to either delayed processing, or inability to read the intended thought or memory.

Once one gets to the bedroom door and opens it, the room (memory) is in good order and can be accessed freely. In fibromyalgia, the bedrooms are neat. In dementia, the bedrooms would be in a disarray. ... .

Cable Access vs. Dial-Up

To those of you who are computer literate, a simple fibrofog analogy is like having dial-up internet service on your computer instead of cable access."

I have a hard time "letting go" as to how others see me when the fibrofog is clouding my thinking. I have a depressive moment before moving on. When this happens with my husband or children, I feel like they think I've lost it. I need to accept that fibrofog is a part of my Fibromyalgia illness. It is something I continue to work on.

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