Fibromyalgia won yesterday. :-(
I lost my Godmother recently. She was also my Aunt. I was given the schedule for her multiple services. Dwain and I worked out how we could attend. This was a feat as our oldest Grandson's 15th birthday and our youngest Grandson's baseball tournament both fell on either side of her service. It would be a mega-full schedule, but could be done. By chance my brother called to see if I had received the service schedule. I told him I had and that we were leaving about 8 pm, after having Patrick's birthday dinner and cake with him. We would drive for several hours, stop for the night, then drive the rest of the way Friday morning, arriving in time for her graveside service. I had even made arrangements to pick our Granddaughter up on our way through Portland, keep her over night and return her on our way through Portland the next day. My brother was surprised we were leaving so early. This was a red flag and I questioned his comment. One of my cousins gave me the wrong schedule. The graveside service would not be until Sunday. Anxiety took over my being. I couldn't think. Emotion welled up and I couldn't figure out how to handle it. It was the most out of control feeling. It lasted for quite awhile. It slowed down when I made the decision not to attend the funeral. I was on the verge of tears all day. Sometimes they flowed. But there was always more. Today while I was reliving this situation, I had the realization that Fibro won. Ever feel the mixture of anger and sadness? What an over-whelming combination. My cognitive behavior has been worse, I'm very tired. I'm battling to keep depression at bay. I wish I could have over-powered my emotions and sat on them. I have had these emotions before, but this, by far, has been the worst. I've been able to handle them before. Not this time.
Yesterday, Fibro won.