Friday, April 29, 2011

Fibro Won Yesterday

Fibromyalgia won yesterday. :-(

I lost my Godmother recently. She was also my Aunt. I was given the schedule for her multiple services. Dwain and I worked out how we could attend. This was a feat as our oldest Grandson's 15th birthday and our youngest Grandson's baseball tournament both fell on either side of her service. It would be a mega-full schedule, but could be done. By chance my brother called to see if I had received the service schedule. I told him I had and that we were leaving about 8 pm, after having Patrick's birthday dinner and cake with him. We would drive for several hours, stop for the night, then drive the rest of the way Friday morning, arriving in time for her graveside service. I had even made arrangements to pick our Granddaughter up on our way through Portland, keep her over night and return her on our way through Portland the next day. My brother was surprised we were leaving so early. This was a red flag and I questioned his comment. One of my cousins gave me the wrong schedule. The graveside service would not be until Sunday. Anxiety took over my being. I couldn't think. Emotion welled up and I couldn't figure out how to handle it. It was the most out of control feeling. It lasted for quite awhile. It slowed down when I made the decision not to attend the funeral. I was on the verge of tears all day. Sometimes they flowed. But there was always more. Today while I was reliving this situation, I had the realization that Fibro won. Ever feel the mixture of anger and sadness? What an over-whelming combination. My cognitive behavior has been worse, I'm very tired. I'm battling to keep depression at bay. I wish I could have over-powered my emotions and sat on them. I have had these emotions before, but this, by far, has been the worst. I've been able to handle them before. Not this time.

Yesterday, Fibro won.

6 comments:

  1. Debbie My prayers are with you. You will get through this I know it is very hard. You can get through this. Take care, sorry for your pain.B

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  2. Debbie,

    I cherish your blog. So much of what you have shared, I connect with on a scary level. I have not been officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia but my holistic practitioner has suggested it as a maybe, in addition to possibly CFS. Let me know if its okay to email you to talk to you further, if not- It's okay. My email is juliedabour@yahoo.com

    ~Jules

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  3. Maybe it's OK to just feel whatever emotions come to you, Debbie. Grief feels lousy, no way around it. But grief is the flip side of the "joy" coin. Can't experience one without accepting the other. So maybe being crying, snot-flying angry and confused is normal at a time like this. I kinda think so.
    I just found your blog this evening, so I don't yet "know" you. But I'd like to encourage you to be gentle with yourself while you negotiate your way through this sad time.
    In the meantime, my prayers and good thoughts will accompany you.

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  4. Deb, I agree with Donna. Sometimes your emotions just have to take control and you have to let them. You are allowed to be mad, sad, upset or what ever else you are feeling. You lost someone close to you and that is never easy. Also remember you can be anywhere to pay your final respects and talk about memories. Don't be to hard on yourself. I will have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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  5. Thanks ladies. I appreciate your comments. I do have grief from loosing two family members close together. The grief I can handle, it this damn FM. I get through most days without feeling depressed. This day was to overwhelming. I think my fear is that the depression will take over. So far I've only had a couple days that were bad. Today (Sunday) it is not as bad so hopefully it will pass. Thanks again. Hugs

    Jules/Julie...I will send you my email

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  6. I regret his death. My brother suffers from Fibromyalgia and by pain doctors make him buy vicodin, Lortab, or oxycodone to control pain. Although they have mentioned you online that do not should abuse this medication due to side effects, for him it is difficult not to take them. We have found through friends that these medicines cause liver damage and that it should not be taken without prescription.

    Damien Woody
    Findrxonline

    ReplyDelete